We all know someone who is a total fucking train wreck. Someone who probably seems OK to start, but when you scratch the surface, you come away thinking…”Hmmm, no sure about him/her!”. You might give them the benefit of the doubt, and why not? Everyone has their shit don’t they? Well, if you DON’T know someone like that, then YOU are that person.
Not convinced? You don’t need to display all of these characteristics but here is a handy list of behaviours that make you that guy/girl.
1) You spend a large portion of most/every conversation with others talking about the opposite sex; including (but not limited to) how you NEEED to find a nice girlfriend/boyfriend, how you cried even when your last brief relationship ended, how many numbers you normally collect at the weekend, your weekly pulling strategy etc etc etc.
2) Indiscriminately flirting with anyone who is above averagely attractive even if they are of the same sex. (and you’re ”not gay”)
3) Name dropping famous people who you may/may not have met in at least 1 conversation of vague relevance per week.
4) Constantly boasting about fantastic food eateries you frequent in at least 1 conversation of vague relevance per week.
5) Updating your Facebook with a status that you hope your friends will read and contact you immediately about.
6) Wearing entirely inappropriate clothing for any occasion (on purpose) and absolutely loving the extra attention it brings. This includes, wearing too much AND too little to social occasions.
7) Going out with someone for 3 weeks then start calling them ”the hubby” or ”the wife” etc and whinging about not being able to see your friends anymore.
8 ) Butting in on other peoples conversations to talk about football/x-factor/Towie etc etc
9) Voting for the Conservative Party
10) Still talking about your ex when you’ve been married/in a relationship for more than 2 years.
If you recognise any of these characteristics in yourself, then I’m just saying have a fucking word with yourself. It’s fine. I’m sure you are still popular/pretty/handsome. As I say, everyone has their shit don’t they? But just own it. OWN the fact that you are a fucking train wreck of a human being and don’t assume these characteristics make you less conspicuous; chances are EVERYONE knows you are fucked three ways from Sunday. So just wind your neck in, sit the fuck doon and above all, relaaaax.
I’m not saying I’m NOT one of these people. I’m not saying that. Just so we all are clear.