The other night, I was fairly drunk and decided it was time to head home from my pal’s house. I phoned a taxi and about 5 minutes later I get a phonecall on my mobile. Usually this particular company send you a text message but I was too drunk to bother my napper so I headed outside, doon a mountain of stairs and into the cold night- only to find the taxi wasn’t actually there. I was so steaming I didn’t actually mind a couple of minutes to get some fresh air, you know what I mean?
I get another phonecall, this time I answer it and it’s the taxi driver mumbling something about being there in 5 minutes. Part of me wondered if he was parked up the street watching me stagger about like a fanny. He turned up and I crawled into the back (smooth).
First thing I noticed was the guy was wearing a suit, like an undertaker. Brain cells no working too good at this point so I quickly got distracted from that issue. Driving up the road, I’m starting to sober up a wee bit and I tune ma ears into what the cunt is listening to on the radio. It sound’s a wee bit like a joke section on Radio 1 because they are playing monk style hymn singing. I’m about to say to the guy ” Here mate, whit’s this your listening to?” but thank FUCK my brain was running at half speed because before the words could leave my mouth my brain registers that it’s a religious FM channel or some shit and that statement could cause problems.
The journey continued in absolute silence apart from the radio station with various people talking about their respect for how God works in their lives and their respect for God and the first time they realised God was present with them etc etc etc.
But to be honest with you, even though the guy was probably a really nice, Christian man…just working his hardest and living a good life- I’m sitting in the back of his taxi SHITTING IT. Why? Simple, I couldn’y get THIS CUNTand THIS oot ma heid.
Here I am, totally OUT MY BANGER and this guy driving me home, probably pure JUDGING me. My thinking was he was probably picking cunts off who didn’y deserve to be alive.
I don’t know man. Don’t ask me why… I severely SHAT it. i paid the guy way over when he dropped me at my house. I then dived out that taxi and ran up the stair like Kelly Holmes.
The paranoia was RIPPING RIGHT OUT ME.
Has this sort of thing happened to anyone else? I sometimes think I get overly paranoid about the risk of being murdered, then I turn on the news and realise I’m probably not. Let me know about a time you totally SHAT it.