In the current economic crisis, when Aberdeen is facing being one of the worst hit communities in terms of unemployment and investment, the bold Donald Trump swoops in- still willing to spend billions to create a golf course and effectively bail out Aberdeen from being flushed down the bog.
I imagine in my head it went something like this.
[Aberdeen Council Leaders sitting round a big oak oval table, bedraggled hair, no cucumber sandwiches or custard creams or tea because the Icelandic banks have shat their lunch money down the pan]
Council Leader 1: What are we going to do? We have no money for local services and I had to sack ma fucking tea lady yesterday.
Council Leader 2: We are all going to do the same. There will be no jobs left in Aberdeen at this rate. What are we going to do?
Council Leader 3: If only we hadn’t listened to they stupid fucken environmentalist bastards greeting about sand dunes. We would be balls deep in economic stablility in this place…. Ooooh if only Donald Trump would consider still having his lovely golf course here.
[Suddenly a swoosh of light bursts in through the doors, everyone covers their eyes as the blinding gleam from Donald Trumps teeth hovers at the head of their table]
Donald Trump: Worry not folks, a new report has concluded that I WILL be allowed to build my lovely golf course here. That means jobs, and tourism and games and laughs and fun for all!( Waves fist in the air)
All Council Leaders, lifting Trump in the air: WAHHHEEYYY! OH! FOR HE’S A JOLLY GOOD FEEELLLOOW! FOR HE’S A JOLLLY GOOD FELLOOOW! FOR HE’S A JOLLLY GOOOD FEEELLLLOOOOOOW! AND SO SAY ALL OF US!!
Council Leader 1: I’m away to rehire ma tea lady! CUCUMBER SANDWICHES ALL ROUND FOLKS!
Thank god our government has it’s marbles and John Swinney has his stones in the right place. And fuck sand dunes!