WHERE. THE. FUCK. IS. A) The One Show B) Eastenders ……………naw, naw naw naw NAW…..this isny happening..this isney happening man. YA BASTAAAAARDS!!
I swallow a chewing gum a lot. It’s a nightmare, I can really feel my digestive system saying “Are you fucken SERIOUS mate!” but I keep doing it. Bad habit. What bad habits do YOU have?
For years and years I can honestly say I have had a kind of fear/hatred of sport of any kind. It’s strange because when I was between 7-10 years old I suffered from an illness and spent a few wee stints in hospital. What motivated me through that whole period was that I wanted to be a tennis player. I wanted to be a Wimbledon Champion.
My mum was a single parent for a long time and she didn’t have the money to put behind that particular dream and the older I got the more I realised that, infact, only fairly well off people have a good shot at being a successful sportsperson. That might not be true for things like football, I don’t know, but I realised that for a wee lassie from a council estate there was little chance for me to be given the chance at sport the way richer people have.
I was disappointed. I didn’t really realise the impact that realisation had on me but it did make me resent sport as a sort of elitist sect. I couldn’t even be bothered watching it.
Now that I am working and have kids of my own I’m going to make sure I try to get them into something and try to put as much behind them as possible. It’s easier now for me than it was for my mum back then, she was working TWO jobs and was just to busy focussing on keeping us happy to think about sport.
It sounds a cliché but if I’d had the opportunity I could have been a contender. Why? Well, I hear all the time that people say it’s all about seeing yourself as the best that get them to the top. Well, if there is one thing we were never short of was support. To this day I have this unshakable sense of self belief that I’m sure will take me far and it’s all down to her. I do it with my boys. We are going to get them into Go-Karting as a route to formula 1….that’s right…I’m breeding F1 racers. Yas.
Anyway…that’s all. Ta.
I had a stressful day at work today. We are pretty much out of the paddling pool in terms of training and with everyone getting stuck/unsure what to do at points- there are a lot of bodies demanding time from the manager to help them out.
I tend to get on with it if I can and help others where possible, consequently the manager (good guy) delegated a few wee tasks to me. Fair do’s, I do well with pressure but it’s when everything settles down I get a sort of post-traumatic stress disorder where I just stare into space/canny talk/don’t talk to me.
So when me and my mate Angie broke out at 5pm, into the wonderful early evening sunshine we just didn’y want to get on the rush hour buses. So we thought ‘fuck it!” and just kept walking. Walked out of town over the bridge, chatting and enjoying the sun and blue sky. We were at the Star Bar in no time.
It was great to pass by all they wee shops along that road and no just getting whizzed past them. A lot of the Asian Supermarket’s look great, loads of cakes and other goodies. Some of the Take-away’s look brilliant as well.
We passed this place called the Pakistani Cafe just near Allison Street. It looks brilliant. Has anyone been? It’s had great reviews etc.
Well, we enjoyed ourselves and we felt a lot more relaxed afterwards.
Tonight is the last episode of 24. Apparently there is a movie due that was supposed to be for 2011 but the credit crunch pushed it back to 2012. I got into 24 too late and I’m raging about it. I watched a few episodes of the first series but that was it. This season I watched it from the start and I’ve enjoyed a lot. I absolutely love the bold Jack Bauer. I cannot wait until the movie.
What a fucken week it has been! I’m like that…………..???!?!?!???!!!!!?!?!? Know what I’m saying?!?
Anyway, working week started on the Tuesday which is a bonus in anybody’s book. So that was good. But my training was officially over and now it was time to get on the blowers at work and start taking calls like they ain’t no bitch.
Except it wisney. Final sign off on all our references hadn’t been completed so none of us had clearance to start selling insurance. That’s fine, we can still sell bank/credit cards right? WRONG! A lot of the bank accounts offer insurance as an extra. SO….whit did we dae all week? Well, primarily we sat with the existing teams advisors and listened in on their calls. Sounds good because you’re no actually dein anything but it’s harder than it sounds. How? Well, you are sitting with someone looking over their shoulder at them while they do their job/try no to accidentally read their emails/make shit small talk with them when neither of you are interested in a word the other has to say ye’z jist want to get OUTTA there.
Nah, don’t get me wrong, everyone is really nice and me, well I’m just a pleasure to get to know….haha?
Anyway so…that was that….for the WHOLE WEEK! But whatever….i’m really liking it there.
Wednesday a got hame from work and ma feet felt really swollen. So I’ve took my stuff off…oh AYE ma feet are pretty much twice the fucken size. No jist ma feet but ma legs as well. I touched my leg and my finger sank into it like it was made of that stuff Stretch Armstrong was made of. I’m like that….what.the.fuck. Obviously retaining water there but fuck knows why…I look it up on the internet and none of the reasons apply to me apart from being a bit overweight but…I’ve never had it before except when I was Chegwin etc.
I elevate ma legs and dae aw the suggested shit. 9pm and they could still hold the impression of a thumb for about 8 minutes. Phoned NHS 24. Trying to explain that, yes it IS unusual for me, no I’m NOT on the pill, no I don’t have a high salt diet, yes I DOO drink water often….
I’m told someone will phone me back. 11pm someone phones me and advises me that I should probably head down to the Out Of Hours GP service. Naw, sorry, its 11pm…I’m away to bed for work the morra. But they areny better in the morning and aw through work they jist throb. I feel like ma whole body is puffed up to fuck. Ma mate persuades me to go to the A&E to get it checked out.
Get into the A&E. Place is mobbed. The triage nurse say’s I should wait and see a doctor. I see a guy coming in trying to get revived. It disney work and his poor family are totally devestated. It was devestating to watch. I got in there at 5 and by 7pm I was still waiting, fair do’s…ACTUAL emergencies were coming through the door..so I left. It’s still bad the noo….fuck knows whit its all about. I just hope it fucks off, I like my ankles and my legs…they’re nice (usually) but they look like fucken CANKLES the noo. Sickening. Summer with cankles. Raging.
The day I got in and big Laurence is beaming smiles aw oor the shop. He managed to get his PS3 working. It’s been broke for a year. He heated it up with a hairdryer and a polo-neck jumper and managed to get the weans Ghostbusters game out the fucker, the wean had played about 2 levels oan it before the fucken PS3 YLOD’d and ate the fucking thing.
SO that was that…ups and downs…nothing compared to some people’s weeks I suppose but there we are! …
Anyway…..that was ma week.
What happened wi YOU?